Alone again naturally...

Hey, I am back to my old self. The positive energy is still within me, and I just need to make use of them in a more creative way. Right now, I am busy managing my time, since I go to work every weekday at 8:30 am to 5:30 am, and trying to catch up with my school papers with my school schedule every Tuesday-Wednesday-Friday at 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm, and I also have to keep up with my volunteer schedule in the Home for Single Mothers every Thursday at 9:00 am to 12:00 nn, I just hope I am able to sustain my health with these schedule.
I also intend to enroll in an art class this summer, perhaps a dancing or painting class =) and hike regularly with my friends =)
I am so excited with my life. Yesterday, I had the chance again to be inspired with Prof. Palma's musings about the social work profession. I just have this feeling of being able to contribute to the revolution of the profession. Naks! Yes, being a social worker is indeed a very dignified profession. And I am still aiming myself to be a community worker. Perhaps in Baguio? hmmmm.... Can't wait to make my dreams a reality!

Lord, thank you for always being with me. Amen.

i will forget him eventually. i know i will. and i don't have a choice but to forget him. i just can't help but think that he just played around with me. anyway, about my plans in my career, yes, i still intend to finish my diploma in social work and hoping to get a license as a social worker.
But then I am having some challenges right now on how to sustain my career plans. i just recently applied in IBM, and i thought i will know the results today but there's none yet. Literally, I don't have enough money to sustain my needs. And my credit card debt is increasing already. I should still be thankful that I am only concerned about my personal needs, but I can't help but feel shame to my family and friends, because they spend money for my needs. Now I am starting to doubt my real intentions on why I would like to pursue social work. I have realized so many things, and yes, indeed, it's not always the way I've imagined it. There are a lot of opportunities in the profession that makes me want to hold off. I may have imagined it in the western setting, but the Philippine setting is so depressing. There is no private practice here in the country, and most likely, you will be working for an agency that does not even have an entity to look after their employees' needs. I just got used in the corporate environment that all I needed to do is perform and complete my deliverables timely. But I guess it does not work that way. I still have my pure intention to help however, how can I even exercise my intention if I am incapacitated by the agency that I work with? And suddenly, I just got coward in handling serious problems of the client.
But I am still praying that the Lord God will guide my way. Haaay. depressing. :-(

Yeah, I guess I still love you. And how I wish that someday, you'll come back and we can be together again just like the old times. Do you still have your memories with you from last year? Everything is still vivid to me. And I am looking forward to the day that I will see you.
I may just act civil, but I know my heart will explode of happiness if ever I see you again.

That's just the way love is... Oh well...

hindi kita kailangan patulan dahil lang sa confused at malungkot ako...

...

Dear You,

Please don't let me fall for you. I am in my very vulnerable state right now after an i-thought-it-was-real relationship. Don't try to break into my barriers. I told my friends and family how awkward I was when you interviewed me, so I should be sharing same sentiments with them that I should stay away from you. But it's not what my heart is telling me. I am so naive, despite my age. I should be harsh to you. But for the past 4 days, you've been very persistent. I should stop this. Please stay away.

P.S. I guess I'll have to change my number now =(

Music and Him...

I am once again having some past recollections of him. I remembered that I sent him this song. And it's very appropriate even way back the early stage of our relationship... I knew then that he is going to drift away...

"Just Breathe"

Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh

As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh

Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love

Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none

Stay with me...

Let's just breathe...

Practiced all my sins, never gonna let me win, uh-huh

Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh

I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed

Stay with me

You're all I see...

Did I say that I need you?

Did I say that I want you?

Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see

No one knows this more than me

As I come clean...

I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh

Everything you gave

And nothing you would save, oh no

Nothing you would take

Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?

Oh, did I say that I want you?

Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see

No one knows this more than me

And I come clean, ah...

Nothing you would take

Everything you gave

Hold me til I die

Meet you on the other side...

Almost...

One week since I arrived here in Manila. And the wound has not healed yet. Or maybe I refused to find a cure for it. Or I do not know what the cure is in the first place.
I dreamed of him last night. No, I did not see him in my dream. I just received a text message from him. He said "I'm sorry..." And I did not reply in my dream. Or maybe I just didn't remember If I indeed reply. But just to nurture that wound that I refused to heal, If ever he will send me a text message like that, I don't know If I should reply or not. Probably, yes. Because I still love him. Yeah, January 12 would the third month since he said goodbye. And I am still hoping that he would come back.

Ouch!  I know it will never happen.