Back to reality

ugh! i have tons of papers to accomplish and i don't even feel the urgency to finish all of them, which are due next week! And whenever I am alone in the apartment, I can't help but peek into his profile using my nephew's nanny's  profile! I feel so pathetic that I can't help myself forget him. With the gush of the wind, I can feel he's just very close because they just opened an exhibit in Ayala Museum yesterday. On my way to to Manila, from the airport until I picked up my baggage, I was really hoping to bump into him! It's just destiny's way of telling me that we are not really meant for each other. But I can still feel the love in me for him. And I still cling to the memories I shared with him. I often wonder and ask if he is thinking of me too. I just pray that I can move on. And a part of me keeps on convincing myself that time will come that our paths would cross, and we'll be back into each other's company again. Haaaay.

After my long vacation at home, I realized that I have been selfish with my personal goals in life. I have my cousins who are in need of financial assistance for them to be able to finish school. My tita is working hard just to get food for the table for her family. And my maternal grandmother completely lost her sight, and was hospitalized twice during the holiday season. I also have my cousins from my father side who works hard to get their home fixed, and support ninang who was half-paralyzed when she had her stroke a few years back. I know there's so much to do, so many needy people that needs to be reached out, but I chose to pursue my dreams, in an effort to help complete strangers, but I myself is not even able to help my relatives. I am carrying a heavy guilt in my heart right now.

On a positive note, I still appreciate the love and support that my family is giving me.  Despite my financial status, they are still in full support for my dreams. I just look forward to the time that I am able to give back what is really due to them especially my mama.

I will keep my faith that someday will come that I will be able to contribute a significant change into my loved ones lives, and extend them across the marginalized group in the society.